kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
