I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize