Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
