dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
