Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Bang-toberfest begins!!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize