So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
