you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize