How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize