So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Only a mothe r could love this liver
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
