We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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