so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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