How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
