Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Randomize
