he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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