I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's blow job season.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
