Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
