so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
