She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
