Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
