How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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