Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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