Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
