I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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