that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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