When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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