Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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