You can't motorboat a personality
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
