There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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