Tell her she can't have a vagina
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
