Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
