I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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