i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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