its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
