I could make wine with my vomit
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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