Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
