My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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