the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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