so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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