guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
