I wish I could teleport
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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