chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
