He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
