there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
