he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
