Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
