Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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