you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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