Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
