nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
