3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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