picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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