Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
