Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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