So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
