he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
