yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
They have beer where we have blood.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I know her cup size but not her name....
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
