Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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