return my video game
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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