I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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