before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
