Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
