this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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