3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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