Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
