community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
