My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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