Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Drake has all the answers
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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