Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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