I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
