Too much gin, very little bucket
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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