2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think people are normalizing furries
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
