We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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