She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
