nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
