i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
