i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
