K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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