Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize