I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
