Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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