dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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