Did I show you my penis last night?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize